Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
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I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
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I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?