Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
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