You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
