I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
