She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
