ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
