Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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