she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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