my phone needs a breathalizer
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
