Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Too much gin, very little bucket
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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