i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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