is your mom at the bar?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
