the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
