he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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