During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
