I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You left your phone here
Wait...
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
