if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
