yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
