i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
