Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
