Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
