he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
