Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
