I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Randomize
