It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
