Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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