Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
