i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
