lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
