john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
