dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
