I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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