I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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