i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize