Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Randomize
