he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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