Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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