At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
