All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
