sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
