um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
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how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
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Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
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