STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
