I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
