Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
