my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Randomize
