Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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