So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
