All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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