sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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