I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
