And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Randomize
