Your face is a jimmy john
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
