NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I intend to get homeless drunk
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
