DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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