My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
