This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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