you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
