i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I fill condoms, not promises.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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