Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
