God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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