What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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