Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
