Define "chronic" masturbator.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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