New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
she pinky promised me she was 18
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
