first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
