I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
