I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
you win again, gameday.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
