and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
