she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
