Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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